How do I tell my children?

Children have their own special relationships with their pets. Like adults, children's grief is related to the strength of the bond between the child and his / her pet, as well as the child's age.

The following suggestions may be helpful:

• Provide support and education. Losing a family pet may be the child's first real experience with death. The death of a pet can be a significant loss and children need consolation, love, and support. It's important not to trivialize the loss. The loss of a pet may present an opportunity for your child to develop healthful coping skills that will serve them well throughout their lives.

• Be mindful of your child's grief process. Your child's response to the pet's death will depend upon their age and development level. Children 3 to 5 years of age see death as temporary and potentially reversible. Between the ages of 6 to 8, children begin to develop a more realistic understanding of death, but still may see it as reversible. They may feel responsible for the death because of their thoughts and wishes. Let children know that the death is / was not their fault. Generally, it is not until 9 years of age that children realize that death is permanent and final.

• Involve children in goodbye ceremonies / memorializing activities. It's important that everyone in the family be encouraged to find a meaningful way to say goodbye.

• Take into consideration that children express grief differently than adults. Provide alternate ways for children to express their grief, such as drawing pictures, writing poems, and expressing their emotions through play.

• Avoid protecting children from the pain of grief. Be honest with them about the pet's illness and death. This will help your child understand the feelings you are experiencing as well.

• Try not to hide your own grief from your children. Adults are role models. Children can learn healthy expressions of grief and coping behaviours. Allowing children to see your emotions helps them understand that each family member is important and irreplaceable.

• Be aware that after one loss, children commonly fear other losses. A little reassurance goes a long way in calming their fears.

• Maintain routines as much as possible. After a loss, provide security and stability for your family.

• Explore children's literature. Use stories as a starting point for discussions regarding illness, death, and euthanasia.